I knew. I know. I have known…all the while we talked, we giggled, we fought and we walked, I had a voice deep within me telling this will be over too.. Like how those dramas end after a few episodes or seasons, our drama titled ‘Best Buddies’ would come to an end as well. I desperately tried to comfort myself that that inner whisper was wrong, that it was making a needless, false prediction..I tired to reason out myself that it was my fear born from past experiences of being let down by friends who promised to stay by my side through ‘thick and thin’, that was telling me to not rejoice in our bond. I tried to neglect that voice several times, desperate to keep our friendship in tact. I gave you access to my inner most world, loved you like a sister, and was ever ready to guide and support you through tough times. You cannot imagine what you meant to me back then..you were special, so much that I thought we were custom made for each other, that we were specific to cater each other’s soul..Even when you had other best friends, I cheered for you, listened to your troubles with them,and tried my best to help you understand them..even when part of myself was burning with jealousy and disappointment, because you were crying for someone else. Those were the times when I thought I was a dark devil..because you could easily make me jealous and possessive. Yet, I tried to suppress those feelings, and I strove so hard to see you smile.
And then, you made a new friend. I was genuinely happy when I saw you bubbling with glee..but deep down, I knew I wasn’t the reason for that. Your eyes no longer twinkled when you saw me. You lips no longer gave way to that heavenly smile. You no longer opened your heart to me. No more giggles, no more secret chats..no more sisterly hugs and long texts shared.Even the ‘hi’ became formal and lifeless. You probably didn’t know. But I was watching your every move, absorbing your every word. And then came the lies that you thought I’d never notice. It was too much to bear..I should have known that I was like one of those old showpieces that can be replaced when new, sparkly ones arrive. But you should have known that I am a glass piece, fragile and easy to break. And I would not wish to hand over myself to someone who knows not to cherish me with care, time and love, genuine.
I wonder when we started to drift away… All I remember now is that quiet voice in my head that gave that warning bell, a haunting premonition, as I was writing “Friends forever ” on your birthday gift. And all I know is that indescribable pain, that ache when I decided to silently close the door to my heart, never to be opened before you again.
Featured Image from Public Domain :
In case you don’t know, yellow rose symbolizes friendship.