loneliness by lilivanili (CC BY 2.0)
Deep down, I’m haunted by a fear
Forcing my eyes to frequently tear;
A day will come, I reckon
When I’ve just own shoulders to cry upon…
Something I penned down during a lonely period..I was thinking of all the friendship issues I’ve been having lately (fortunately, I don’t date and I never been in love…so, luckily, no issues there..😌). It is during such depressing times that I realize the unconditional love of God and my family..My mother often says that I expect too much from people because I receive too much at home. In a way, that is true. When I think about my family, especially my parents, I realize how much I’m being loved, although I’m proud to say that they are pretty harsh disciplinarians too. Nevertheless, they have given me freedom to think and to choose my destiny (so far), and are always there to stimulate me intellectually, and to nourish me emotionally.
However, I dare say that in my part, expecting too much is (or was) natural, for I tend to give too much, forgetting to set proper boundaries. It is almost like an incurable disease…I don’t let people into my life easily. But those who become part of it become subjects of my deep care and affection. This process is almost unconscious…I jokingly attribute this to my first house Moon and Venus in Taurus (which is all about giving love and wanting to be loved😁).
Anyways…one of the biggest lessons that life has been desperately trying to teach me is on unconditional love. This will be pretty hard to learn, but I sincerely hope to master it someday in my life. My mother had given me two solutions to my problems – either to be indifferent to all, or to love all unconditionally. I prefer the second, for I cannot imagine a life devoid of loving and caring, however tempted I may be to shut everyone out when I’m overloaded with emotions.
Someday, I hope that I’ll be able to love all unconditionally..That day would be the most blessed day – the day when I’m closest to my Lord.